A Marriage That Lasts

“He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great."

Luke 6:48-49 ESV

As these verses make clear one of the most important considerations before building a house is the foundation. A house built on rock can weather the storms that come against it. A house built on sand won’t last. This is self-evident in houses and buildings, but do we apply the same principle to something much more important, our marriages? What is the secret to longevity in marriage? What is the foundation of a healthy marriage that allows it to stand against life’s storms?

While there are countless books offering very good marriage advice, when people find out how long Susan and I have been married they sometimes ask me what advice I have for a marriage. I can sum it up in three words, communication, confession and Christ. Let me explain.

1. Communication. Ephesians 4:15 says “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ” How often do we expect our spouse to read our minds, or just know what we are thinking? After all it should be obvious shouldn’t it? Probably not as much as you think. A good place to start is don’t assume. Talk it out. One important point here is the nature of your conversation. Don’t just discuss facts, talk deeper. What was good about your day? What was hard and why was it hard? Ask good questions and truly listen to each other. Life can be busy enough and when you add kids and jobs things get even crazier. Dedicate time to talk and make a point of learning something new about each other every day.

2. Confession. James 5:16 says “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” A marriage is made up of two sinners doing life together. Confession and seeking forgiveness should be a regular part of what we do. Take the time to pray together as a couple, and not just over meals. Spending time in prayer draws you closer to the Lord and to each other. We sin against our spouses even as they sin against us, confess it, ask forgiveness and be ready to forgive.

3. Christ. Think of your marriage as a triangle with you and your spouse being the bottom and Christ being the top. The closer you move to him the closer you move to each other. Spend time reading scripture and in personal prayer daily. Ask God to make you the husband or wife he calls you to be. Marriage is not a self improvement project. The Holy Spirit desires to make you more like Christ and that in turn makes you a better person to be married to.

A godly marriage is a visible representation to the world that as believers we are the bride of Christ. Ephesians 5:31-32 says "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Whether you have been married for 40 days, or 40 years, let the world see the beauty of Christ in your marriage.

Christ is all,

Paul Mills