Before I became a born again Christian my life was one filled with constant anger and rage. I was confused, I struggled with trust issues, and my brokenness was evident. The darkness in my life lead me to live a life of no hope. It was obvious that I was living a life away from God. The road that I was traveling down was leading to one place and one place only, an eternity away from God’s kingdom.
My life was primarily focused on growing my career, pursuing money, idolizing the worldly ways, and turning to substances to ease any pain I was feeling. I struggled with some pretty confusing points in my life where I did not understand why things were happening the way they were, or why they had to happen at all. I was angry at my parents for not being there for me the way I thought they should have been growing up, for them not telling me “I love you” enough, if at all. I was angry at my circumstances and where life had taken me. I questioned God about why my life and circumstances were the way they were. There was little to no hope in my life, I was merely existing. Never did I stop to ask myself if I was the cause of my hopelessness.
“Never did I stop to ask myself if I was the cause of my hopelessness.”
I thought the biggest thing that I was missing was love. On the inside, I was resistant to letting myself go down the path of being vulnerable and having any loving relationships. This was largely due to my fear of death, and losing those who I love. I found that the easiest way to protect myself was to isolate myself. This is exactly what Satan wants for our lives. There was a voice that told me that nobody loves you and for a very long time and I believed that voice. All of these feelings inside kept me from having any sort of real relationships, but I didn’t care. I was living for myself and that was good for me.
When I got to the point of wanting to change and live my life according to God’s will something inside would remind me of my past wrongdoings. I believe these lies and felt shameful, unclean, and isolated.
I needed change. I didn’t want to live like this. I needed something outside of myself to help me.
A defining moment of change in my life occurred when my wife asked me if I would show my kids who God was? At that very moment it clicked, if I was to show them God, I had to know God and have a personal relationship with him. Shortly after, I was
sitting in a service at The Door Church and felt the Holy Spirit moving within me and God welcomed me into His kingdom.
Since experiencing the love of Christ I am able to express my love to family and friends. I am building and growing trustworthy relationships where we share and talk about God’s love. I am stepping outside of my box day by day. I am excited about building God’s Kingdom. I see that I don’t need worldly treasures to be happy. God supplies
me with everything I need.