Father's Day

Listen to your father who gave you life…

Proverbs 23:22a ESV

This Father’s Day marks my 34th year of being a dad. I’ve learned a few things along the way about what it takes to be a good one. That being said, just because I know something does not mean I always have put my knowledge into practice. I’ve made plenty of mistakes as a dad, and so have you.

Speaking of mistakes, one of the most important things we can do as imperfect fathers is to learn to apologize and ask forgiveness from our children. While that may look different as we speak to our 5 year old than it will to our 15 year old, our children need to see us model humility and confession. It also makes it easier when we ask them to admit their mistakes to us and others, having seen it modeled.

A good father listens to their children. I’ll admit there are plenty of times I was more comfortable doing the talking than taking the time to listen and seek to understand. When they come to you with a problem don’t act like it’s simple and give them a quick solution. Ask questions, listen to their answers and seek to learn something new about them every day.

I once heard it said that children spell love T.I.M.E. The myth that “quality time” is more important than quantity time is just that, a myth. Your kids need you, in person. I’ll add they not only need your physical presence they need your mental presence. I’ll admit it can be tough after a hard day at work to come home and spend time with your daughter explaining why she set up her doll house exactly like she did, but it matters to her. It tells her that she matters to the most important man in her young life.

As your kids get older, learn to appreciate what they appreciate and spend time with them doing those things. I found that my conversations with teenagers were much more productive when I joined them in their activities, instead of always forcing them to join me in mine.

Remember each of your children are unique image bearers of God. They may be like you, or they may be the complete opposite. But they are just the way God made them, and that makes them special. Tell them something that you like about them every day.

Pray for them. The Holy Spirit changes hearts, we do not. The best that we can do is modify outward behaviour. Of course, this is important, but it's not enough. Pray for children that love the Lord with all their hearts and obey him joyfully.

Spend time in God’s word, personally and together as a family. Ephesians 6:4 says “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (ESV) Family devotions don’t have to be intimidating. While there are countless resources available to assist you, just sitting down and reading scripture together as a family is a great place to start. Model a love for God’s word.

Finally, don’t try to do this in your own strength because you can’t. Put your trust in the Lord and ask him for the wisdom you need.